Expecto Omnitelum
by Anansiem The Dying Romantic
Summary: Harry discovers a new side to the Expecto Patronum spell while surviving the Dursleys and school! AU, no pairings yet, OneShot until further notice.
1. Expecto what?

Hey readers.

As of now, this is going to sit as a oneshot until my ADD tells me I can sit down and write some more. The story is pretty much AU with hints of happenings from the origional story here and there. I need to brush up on my Potter, but I think this is leaning towards an OotP parallel, although that won't matter in the long run. please do correct me if I'm wrong on any of the technicalities.

Otherwise, Enjoy

Disclaimer: I, of course, don't own Harry Potter. nuff said.

Expecto Omnitelum

Harry Potter walked towards the house on private drive sopping wet and covered with dirt and bruises, cursing himself and the world around him.

He had been sitting in a plastic swing at his old haunt late one dreary humid evening in late June, when Dudley had come by and convinced Harry to walk back to the house with him. Harry was suspicious, but complied, and he paid the price. Polkiss and the rest of Dudley's gang had been waiting behind bushes and rubbish bins on a street corner to jump him.

Harry had been able to dodge the whole of them for most of the summer, so naturally their craving for beating Harry up had built up so much that they actually planned this ambush out, which caught Harry completely off guard.

They held him well, and reached him quickly, so that he never got a chance to grab his wand. Each one of them got a good long turn at Harry, and to add insult to injury they drug him over to a kiddie pool left out in a neighbor's yard and threw him in.

Harry was angry. No, he was furious. The edges of his vision was blurry, his knuckles white and despite his drenched state he was very heated, almost to the point of not noticing when everything became cold and much, much darker.

Harry looked up to see at least fifty or so Dementors circling towards him rapidly from the sky.

Harry could not conjure a happy thought, nor did he want to. "I don't have time for this. I don't have time for any of you. _Why wont you leave me alone?! EXPECTO... AAAUGH!" _In all of his rage and fury and anger Harry couldn't even finish saying the spell. He just pointed his wand and poured all of his emotion towards the nearest Dementor.

He didn't expect much to happen, but as soon as he had shouted, the edges of his vision began to blur red, and he looked down to see not a blue but a red light emitting from the tip of his wand. The thing that he conjured wasn't in fact a stag, nor was it a patronus. What was conjured instead was a Sword, but it was nothing like Harry had ever seen.

It had a thick stout handle with a large spike as a pommel and a flexible gold arm guard that twisted over his hand may times and tightly up his arm, decorated with many a slew of large wicked barbs. There was something like a large ball of fur where the lower guard should be, but it was more of a shadow, or the blackness of the door from the Department of Mysteries, and it seemed to fidget and twitch with odd shapes emerging, as if it were fuzz from an old tv station or the end of an electrical cord dancing on the ground.

The rest of the blade was much of the same. The front edge was curved like a saber, while the back edge comprised of a beautiful pattern of rings and teeth and hooks to catch and mangle meat on. the blood grooves twisted and wrapped around each other throughout the blade, an eternal blood red engraved with in it.

Harry looked down at the embodiment of his anger and fury and wasn't surprised of the change. In fact, at the moment he welcomed it.

Harry looked up at the Dementors and saw them hesitate at this new development. That was fine with him. Harry put the wand firmly in his pocket and focusing on it shouted "wingardium leviosa!" It was only in a time like this that he could think of such a practical use for this spell, not to mention hold enough concentration to control it.

He flew straight for the first black cloak and swung with all of his might, through it's upraised arms and rotting carcass and bone as if it were no more than melted butter, leaving small red and black flames in its wake, licking the edges of the now inanimate Dementor as it fell to earth.

Harry flew up to the next few and swung his blade through the first, second and third in quick succession, cut the fourth vertically from head to toe and stabbing the fifth one straight through behind him and tearing out its insides as he twisted and ripped the thick blade out of its ribs.

The rest of the dementors saw this and began circling Harry as he floated there. This was a big mistake on their part, because it only made Harry angrier.

"I said, I don't have time for things like you! AAAAAUGH!" Harry screamed at them in rage and his sword arm and shoulders ripped open into flames, the glowing red of death itself deep in Harry's eyes and bright in his aura. He brought the blade up and pointed it skywards, screaming again at the top of his lungs. A black wave of the same stuff as on the sword surrounded him and exploded outwards, enveloping the rest of the Dementors. The black quickly made its way deep into each of their chest cavities and built up again, bursting in explosions that disintegrated all that they consumed. The Dementor massacre was over, there were none left save the pieces on the ground.

Harry, panting, lowered himself to the ground hard enough to cause a small tremor and crack the pavement, and let up on his spells. He was dry now, and there was no sign of is injuries from the prior beating anywhere on his body.

He looked around the neighborhood to see if anyone witnessed this event, then made his way towards the Dursley's place to try and get some sleep.

Mrs. Figg looked out her window and stared at the teenage boy a few moments longer to make sure he was quite finished, and quickly glanced at the smoldering Dementor limb resting neatly on top of her bush before rushing to her fireplace and throwing a handful of floo powder in.

"Dumbledore, I apologize, but this is quite urgent. I am afraid to inform you that Harry Potter has gone completely insane."


	2. Harry Potter Gone Mad

Hey readers,

Due to the awesome response I had to this oneshot I decided to post another quick chapter (sorry its not longer!) for you guys.

Harry Potter Gone Mad

It was a bright sunny Friday morning with warm sunrays filtering in through the window of the smallest bedroom on number four, private drive. Harry Potter had come in the night before, completely oblivious to the jibes and picks from the Dursleys as he had gone straight up the stairs, to his room, and crashed instantly on his bed.

Harry woke up, and then wished he hadn't.

First on his mind was an outrageous headache threatening to burst his skull, then a great deal more amount of pain from his shoulders and arm. Harry rubbed his head furiously with both hands, hoping to assuage some of the pain, but only made it worse, then rolled over onto his back and realized this was again, a bad move.

Finally Harry opened his eyes, and then really wished he hadn't.

He immediately closed his eyes, hoping the three familiar Aurors around him were only part of a dream, but he knew that he's never been that lucky.

"Ah, so the cute sleeping little psycho is awake. Morning, psycho, up and at'em!" Tonks then proceeded to sit on Harry's bed and bounce up and down many times.

"Tonks, leave the boy be! His mental health might not be able to withstand something like that. And quiet with that psycho talk. He probably doesn't know he's crazy, yet." Alastor Moody then put a Cushioning charm on Tonk's rear and a Silencing charm on her mouth, making her wake-up efforts nulled. This of course caused Tonks to give Moody a nasty look as she sulked to the corner to undo the charms.

Harry sat up and rubbed the sand out of his eyes and gave Moody a second nasty look.

"I'm not crazy. what the hell are you guys talking about?"

Moody turned to Tonks "See, I told you he doesn't know he's crazy! Look, now you've confused the boy!" He then turned to Harry. " It seems that you've put up quite a show last night to make Mrs. Figgs think that you've gone crazy. She in turn reported to Dumbledore, who in turn posted us here to make sure you don't hurt yourself."

Harry could only look at the three of them incredulously, completely lost for words.

Kingsley Shacklebolt stepped forward and offered a friendly smile. "don't worry my mentally mangled friend. We'll keep you safe from yourself."

"I wasn't going insane! I was being attacked by Dementors!" Harry crossed his arms and mumbled into them, "And I was really pissed off."

"So the bits and pieces of the Dementors that we had to clean up with rakes and rags, that was from you being 'pissed off'. It this correct?" Alastor asked as he started taking notes, while Tonks, leaning in the corner coughed into her hand something that sounded like "cough,CRAzy,coughcough."

Alastor nudged Tonks and focused again on Harry. "In any case, Dumbledore wants us to take you to him so he can check up on you. Get some clothes on while Tonks packs your stuff. Afterwards we'll find a more, erm, stable place for you to stay."

Still confused and in pain, Harry shoved off his covers and slid off his bed to whistles and a "nice skivvies!", again, all from Tonks, while Kingsley stood by and somehow managed to blush.

He quickly grabbed a crumpled pair of loose-fitting blue jeans and slipped on his sneakers, pocketing his wand despite burning looks from the aurors. He walked over to his dresser through the midst of a cloud of his possessions created by Tonk's packing spell and put his wallet in his back pocket, and his glasses on, and snatched a t-shirt from out of the air and put that on as well. Finally he let Hedwig out its cage and let it loose, relinquishing the cage to the packing spell as it shrunk and zoomed into his trunk, which slammed shut and shrunk to a pocketable size.

A bang on his door told him that Uncle Vernon was awake. "What is all this ruckus?! Open up this instant!" Kingsley walked over to the door and opened it to let Uncle Vernon stumble in quite ungracefully and looked from one auror to the next. "I demand to know what's going on here!"

"We're taking Harry off of your hands for the rest of the summer. You won't have to see him again until the end of this upcoming school year." Kigsley informed him.

"Oh, your taking this crazy bothersome nutjob away, are you? Splendid! I'll go tell Petunia the good news and hopefully you'll be gone by then!" Vernon waddled off down the hall whistling merrily towards his room. Harry was on the receiving end for another barrage of funny looks at the mention of 'crazy' and 'nutjob'.

Harry looked at the three of them innocently as he got on his broom and received a disillusionment charm. "What? He always calls me that!... Don't look at me that way!..."

…."CoughCRAzyCough…" came from the now visibly empty room, and loud objections seemed to come out of a nowhere that headed out the window and away towards Hogwarts.


	3. The Yellow Brick Road's Going in Circles

Ok, so I'm about to hit the sack cuz I gots to be up early tomorrow. But just because I luv ya guys so much, here's another quickie. (long title, I know)

The Yellow Brick Road is Going in Circles.

Harry Potter was fuming.

Fully blown, pouting as much as he could, Eyebrows furrowed passed his glasses, and arms crossed tightly across his chest. So:

Harry Potter was fuming in a straightjacket.

He looked around Dumbledore's office, giving looks to each of the wizards (and witch) standing around, and alternating so they all had equal and fair shares of death glare.

"Ahem, so Harry, how are you this evening?" Dumbledore asked over lightly interlaced fingers.

Trying with all of his might to smother his words with sarcasm, Harry death-glared Dumbledore right in the eyes and said:

"Peachy."

Dumbledore clapped his hands in delight. "Marvelous! Then you wouldn't mind at all that I've invited a good friend of mine to check up on you." Tonks swore that she saw Harry's pout grow bigger and his eyebrows furrow more, even though she knew for a fact his face had stretched to the limit.

"My friend works in the Magical Mental health Ministries in the Merlin wing at St. Mungo's, and he specializes in emotions and relaxing techniques. This area of magic he himself dubbed 'Ahze'. Isn't that splendid?"

Harry's expression went from evil-eye to incredulous. "you're kidding me, right?"

Dumbledore gave a quizzical look.

Harry tried to stay serious, he realy did. "He's a wizard… no, not _a_ wizard... _the_ wizard…of Ahze…"

Harry couldn't keep a straight face. He laughed so hard his gut hurt, and wiped his tears on his sleeve and started up a round of movie quotes.

"we're off to see the wizard!"

tonks leaned over to Moody. "See, I told you he's bonkers."

"the wonderful wizard of Ahze!"

Moody just nodded in agreement.

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and put a small sedative spell on Harry to calm him down. "that's quite enough. I don't know whats so funny, but mabe you can let us in on the secret after the Wizard of Ahze sees you. Ahh, here he is now!" A short balding man in an emerald smock stepped out of the fireplace, which in turn sent a now buzzed Harry Potter into another fit of giggles.

"Hello Dumbledore, came as soon as I could… Good lord, man, this seems to be a serious case. And he's so skinny he looks like a scarecrow!" Harry snorted and continued shaking from laughter under serious scrutiny from the others. "Well, can you tell me anything about his condition? No? Well, don't lose heart. It'll take a lot of courage on everyone's part, but we've got enough brains to think of something."

At this Harry tipped the chair and was rolling on the ground. Five wands rushed to fix and pick up the chair, right Harry back into it, and tighten the straps just a little.

"Oy, Psycho, that's just scary. Calm down a bit, would you? My hair gets stuck gray for weeks if I worry any more than this." Tonks lengthened her hair and took it in her hands to scrutinize her pink locks closer.

The Ahze wizard stepped forward. "Please, calm down just a bit young man, so I can examine you." The short man conjured an elliptical orb that glowed many different colors and slowly moved it about harry's head. "hmmm, yes… yes… I see… Ooooooh, mmmhmm."

Kingsley leaned forward from his corner. "what is it?" and leaned back.

"This young man, in all actuality, was just really, really pissed off." The man said with the matter-of-fact, I-know-I'm-right air in his voice.

At that, Harry exploded. "AAAAAAAAUUGH!! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING!! AAAUUGGHH!!"

Tonks raised her eyebrows at Harry. "are you sure doc? Look at him." The Ahze wizard quickly waved his crystal around again.

"Nope. Just still pissed off. Well, Its nice to see you still alive and wrinkly Dumbledore, but as much as I wish I was home, I've got to get back to Ahze. Goodbye!" The wizard stepped back into the fire with Dumbledore sputtering in his wake and everyone else snorting at this rare reaction.

From that point on, Harry wouldn't say a thing to any one of them for the rest of that weekend he stayed at Hogwarts, no matter how they begged or apologized or bribed him. Since it was still mid-summer, Dumbledore couldn't keep him there much longer and arranged for him to stay at the Weasley's until fall arrived. As Harry slept in a cot in a room aside the office, Tonks sat and stared at him, pouting.

"Well, damn. He was so cute as a psycho, too."

Sorry, everyone, I know he chapters are getting shorter but this is going in between the great juggling act called "my life" right now. I blame you all for sucking me into this and completely destroying my hopes for leaving this story as a oneshot. G'night!


End file.
